Catching up. What has been going on the last couple weeks.

Hello everyone.

It's Dee here.

I think before anything I need to apologize. To you guys, and to me.

I write about romanticising my life, and getting my life together, but then I spend my days rotting on the sofa just watching stupid videos, and letting life just pass me by.

I think that's a common experience, but even then, I've had enough experience in that department.

I don't want to just sit here and pretend like I have it all figured out.

I don't want to give advice, and tell you guys how to do things, when it feels like my life is more and more falling apart.

I want... I need to be honest with myself.

I mean, this is the first time in a while where I sat down to write. I'm not sure why I was procrastinating it, maybe I thought I wasn't going to be able to put my thoughts into words, or maybe I felt like I didn't have anything important to write.

I just want to be honest and say that I did have a post ready to go, but as I read it, it just didn't feel right at all.

But now that we are on the same page, I think it will be a lot easier.

Not going to lie, but I still don't know what I want this post to be about. All I know is that I am out of the house and writing.

It feels great.

I guess now is a good time to catch you up on what has been happening the last couple of weeks.

It's not anything special, so don't get too excited.

I think the most exciting part is that I got a bike to ride to work.

I was doing this business course.. oh yeah I guess that also, however, I couldn't finish it because the course was full time, and I didn't realise, so I couldn't continue because I work part-time, but I did a couple of days, and during those days, we were discussing budgets, and how important they are.

And so, we had to create our own individual budgets, basically put in a spread sheet what we spend a month, and try to figure out where we can save money.

And as I was filling out my spread sheet, I was looking at the examples, and one of them was travel.

Now, I only recently moved in with my boyfriend, and before that, I was living at my parent's house, which was a 10 minute walk to work, so I never really had to think about travel before.

Since I moved, I have been taking the bus whenever my boyfriend is working and can't take me to work.

And I didn't even have a pass, I would just tap on, and tap off.

So when I was making the budget plan, I put down like £25. I was like, yeah whatever, I don't take the bus that often, how much money could it be..... oh you naive child.

I quickly did some maths...

If I take the bus just 12 days a month, there and back... it's £64....

So that same day I went to Facebook marketplace and looked for a bike.

I knew what I wanted, because about 5 years ago, I was obsessed with those blue bikes with the basket and white wheels.

Like the one Lara Jean has from 'To all the boys I've loved before'.

But that's when I was in love with the colour blue. Since then, something in my brain switched and now I love the colour pink.

So, naturally, I bought a pink bike.

Exactly the same description. White wheels and a basket.

My bike :)

I found one on Facebook marketplace, and texted her.

The next day, me and my boyfriend went to pick it up.

It's a big bike, and kind of heavy, but it's so beautiful!

And if I'm being honest, I was kind of scared to ride it at first, actually I still get scared, but it's getting easier.

The first day, my boyfriend went with me on those bikes that you can rent, and I swear, I went sooo slow.

Google maps said it would take 12 minutes to ride to work, I gave myself an hour, an got there just in time.

But I made it.

And since then, I haven't been riding everyday, but I went yesterday, and it was kinda nice.

I love riding through the park, especially yesterday when it was closed off to cars.

It felt like I was the only person in the world, and everything was happening just for me.

Like the sun was that colour, and the swans were all there to say hello to just me.

Like it's my own little secret.

But even though it feels great, I still get scared about leaving.

Because I live on a slight hill....

So, going to work is downhill, which I don't really like much, because the bike picks up a crazy speed. But the worst is having to go up the hill...

Ughhh.

It's embarrassing having to really lock in, and struggle, and then eventually having to get off and walk up the rest of the way... multiple times.

But it's just something I have to work on. One day, I will be able to get up the hill in one go.

But anyway, I think you have had enough of me talking about my bike for one day.

It's the Saturday before this post goes live.

I have the day off, and I decided I would like to go out for a coffee date and write the post.

I actually thought about this yesterday.

How good would it be to take my bike, and just go to the coffee shop, and have a pumpkin spice latte.

Also it's my brother's birthday, and even though he's doing something with his friends today, and I'm going by tomorrow, I just wanted to go and say hi today, so I'll swing by today.. on my cool bike.

But for the time being, I'm just sat at the coffee shop.

I think the point of this post is to just be honest with myself, and to just show up.

Sometimes the things I'm scared to do, are actually the things I need to do.

I shouldn't hold myself back because of my fears.

And also I would like to add that, sometimes I feel like I am failing because my motivation is a roller-coaster, and so is my discipline. So I always feel the need to have everything done at once, and if it isn't then I failed.

But I have heard before that you can't possibly be failing if you're trying.

And I think that as long as I am trying, I'll be okay.

It's like the consistency example, you can put a lot of effort one day, and a little less the next day, and nothing the next, and a lot more the day after that, and that is still better than doing really well just one day, and then nothing.... which is kind of what I need to work on.

That's all I have to say for today.

I hope you have a great week.

Love, Dee xx